Dear Random Daters of the World,
I started recording phone numbers and dating sites. apps matched to them a couple years ago so that I could laugh about it some day with a significant other and we could look back on this amused about all the crap we went through. At this point I’m thinking a lot of this knowledge and experience could benefit others. It’s been 234 days since my last chart so I figured it was overdue to see where things were at. I’ve been single for apparently 1187 days now or 3 years 3 months apparently to this day. There was a time when I thought 30 days being single was an eternity being called a serial monogamist by friends. No, I wasn’t that obnoxious in love with the best person ever about every other week we’ve all come to loathe seeing fortunately.
I’ve been pretty private about my dating. crazies aside of which will still and always remain nameless you can read about in previous articles for your genuine likely mutual amusement. A gentleman never tells I think is the saying? I never anticipated it would take this long to find my other half but what I’m looking for is so far beyond anything average that most of you that apply what I’ve learned will have an amazing person a million years before I will. At this point I’m pretty content waiting and I mean really who has time to date that much? One needs to be selective for sure. My friend calls this being too practical but then asked for my list what to avoid and what to look for. She’s been pretty quiet since. Maybe I wrote about her and forgot about it at one point lol? Whoops! She did something pretty lame and I forgave her for it as I know her to be a good person that aside. I haven’t written about any of my dates over the last 3/4 of a year because really I’ve got nothing to complain about. So long as I follow my rules and what I want it’s all awesome.
Wow, all I can say is wow I am feeling like a bit of a counsellor here at this point though and maybe some sort of man geisha. I’m complimented regularly how well I write on my profiles and how easy it is to lose track of time talking for a while. Some of you are really amazing and in the start I think we all have the best intentions. However, a deal breaker is a deal breaker and we learn not to ignore these.
People are really messed up from their exes and some attribute the drugs they’re on as a result of it. I’m that guy that people tell everything which is fine. I don’t mind hearing it. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that most people in their late 20’s to 30’s are messed up by their ex and generally jump in too fast. Do I fault them? No, not at all but it’s definitely in my list of top things to avoid when dating.
The last 3 years have been a total learning experience. Lately any time I ignored my list I’ve regretted it big time. That said, I don’t avoid my list of dating red flags. My last date I asked her why she was single leading up to this and she mentioned how hung up she was about her ex and it had been 2 years. I know you’re not supposed to ask this but honestly it’s a question that avoids issues down the road. Sometimes you just sense it as I have. Do I think she’s a bad person for it absolutely not but let’s be honest you’re either ready to jump in or you’re not. I’ll never fault anyone for being loyal but I’d prefer it was to me naturally.
I’ve been really fortunate that aside in meeting amazing, and really talented people. However, chemistry can’t always be attributed over the phone as smooth as phone conversations goes. You know this especially in person when you’re more interested in their occupation than them as a person. It doesn’t always happen but it does sometimes. I can’t even say that I have crappy dates anymore. Typically any of those types I don’t even meet and it saves us valuable time that could be best spent otherwise. I mean let’s face it who wants to date someone they’re not going to be with for long? I guess a lot of people want the casual thing and say otherwise but that’s not my thing. No yoga instructor the unsolicited stripping in the hall when I pick you up isn’t going to fly when we are supposed to be friends but thanks for the show. Put your clothes back on lol!
Can you be just friends? With some people you can for sure but with some you definitely can’t. Statistically about every 6 months I get a digital stalker that I have to be pretty stern with and block.
For the record most people I elect to accept or ask for their number I rarely date never mind sleep with. I mean why would I want to invest time with women that would make me feel like I’ve been stealing from the person I’m supposed to be with? Looking at the numbers having a stalker that doesn’t give up every 6 months isn’t too bad. Yes, it’s a little crazy out there but if you follow my list you’ll probably benefit from avoiding a lot of heartache. What I want might not be what you want but then again I want someone that goes the distance. Not someone that makes me want to escape or feel alone. One can’t be afraid to ask the tough questions if they want the right thing. I wish it was simple and you could just base it on someone being nice or attractive. That’s just not enough to go to the distance unless you’re into the whole arranged marriage thing. I’m definitely not but hey if that’s your thing power to you.
I’ve only used 2 sites and 2 apps over the last 234 days because the rest were terrible.
Judging by the above stats you are lucky to get past 4.36 days with me. If you’ve past the 4 day mark then congratulations you’ve passed a majority lol. I’ll be honest in that I rarely message people on sites anymore and if I do it’s only if I’ve got some strong confidence it might go somewhere. That doesn’t make all those people losers but I’m lookin for my other half not my next ex. You might say I have a lot more Y’s than exes lol.
Hinge is an amazing app and it’s really good except for the fact that the only place in Canada it works for is Toronto of which is a 5 hour flight from me. Totally not ideal but I guess for the right person I might consider it. I don’t really pay any attention to this app but it matches you with friends of friends in that region which seems to work amazingly well compared to anything I’ve looked at so far.
Match.com seems to have high quality people looking for something serious. They generally have their life together but are in my experience a little on the up tight side in contrast to anywhere else I’ve seen. The clock is ticking and jumping from one to the next serious thing is all too typical there. It’s nice that people are willing to invest in that but taking one’s time to find the right person with time in between is good too right?
PoF.com seems to get me a lot of matches but honestly they’re very low quality. I generally have to slap my hand and go nope. One can’t base things on attraction alone as nice as it appears when you’ve been single too long. Because the site is free you get your serial daters and well let’s be blunt here promiscuous as heck types of which I’m not interested in. You might hear they want something real but more often than not they want casual which i don’t. If you’re looking for real then this might not be the best place. I’ve considered deleting it looking at how trashy the results are. However, that one in five thousand is the one you hold out for. It’s honestly a numbers game I think. I met someone that I was with for almost 4 years but the rest of my dates from there were really poor until I figured out the red flags.
OKCupid.com seems to be crazy extreme liberal heaven. I don’t know why but you get more delusional types there than anywhere else. You see couples, fakes and just overall poor quality control especially on this site despite best attempts on the matching algorithm. However, you do get the odd one out and that makes it worthy of sticking to. More often than not, because of the limited number of people on the site there’s usually high matches way outside your region which is brutal. Oh if only I had a jet and unlimited cash to date anywhere to likely meet some of these awesome people. The matching alg will match you 100% to someone that answers the same questions twice and someone that answers 80% but answered 1000 questions way lower which is totally flawed. I think we can agree that’s not the best basis of a match and I’ve noticed most don’t answer more than 100 multiple choice for the most part.
Tinder app for your phone is by far the best way to date in Canada from what I can tell. It’s surpassed all my other dating sites in half the time and the matches despite the profound brevity of profile are superior. It matches you based on mutual attraction bugs aside where it shows the wrong person’s face (whoops). I’ve had some matches that popped up that were total face palm. I’ve not once used their premium service and I suspect if I did my results would be 4x as good. I’ve met medical researchers, doctors, surgeons, psychologists, the odd lawyer, teachers, principals and pretty much everyone that I can see myself aligning with intellectually. I did this by having a very descript Tinder profile about what I wanted, looking for, a bit about myself and in particular that I wanted. I was sure to attach my Instagram which shows a lot of my road trips and things I enjoy doing along with memes which let’s face it everyone enjoys humor wise.
Well, I wish you the best of luck dating and if this helps you then feel free to pass it onto a friend that it might benefit also. If you happen to be my other half you are long overdue miss and I don’t mean it like that random lady with twins on the way on Tinder (yikes).